This afternoon I was slumbering away when I woke up to see my long-time flute teacher sitting across the foot of my bed. After a few minutes of waking up, I began to talk with her. About mid-conversation she asked if she could give me something. Of course I said yes, and she proceeded to walk over to the side of my bed with a black case under one of her arms. She opened it up to reveal a beautiful black, plastic flute. Now, I am not talking about a recorder here, but a legit flute with mechanisms, authentic length and tube width, etc.
Just last week I asked my sister to bring me my solid metal flute to see if I could play anything at all. I quickly realized that I could not even lift the instrument because of the great weakness in my hands. A bit disgruntled, I put it away and had my sister take it back home until I thought I was ready for it, which in my mind was no time soon. As I held this new black flute, I realized that it would be the perfect steppingstone into playing my real flute again!
Nancy informed me that she and other mutual flutist friends collaborated to come up with the wonderful idea of this unique flute. I thanked her profusely, and thank each one who was involved in giving me this amazing gift. I really can't tell you how much it means to me. I am certain that this gift will bring me joy through difficult times.
When I have a new flute student, the first song I teach them to play is "Hot crossed buns". I thought it would be appropriate for me to do the same, seeing as I am basically a beginning flutist again. I wish I could play it as well as they do! It is obvious that I am still lacking breath control and lung capacity due to my abdominal paralysis, but I am certain that these things will improve immensely. Please enjoy my crude rendition of "Hot crossed buns" at the end of the blog. :)
Nancy and I have quite a history together, and she has proven to be one of the most influential people to aid in the development of my character. When I first came to learn from Nancy, I had many bad habits to overcome, but she was tirelessly optimistic and patient with my progress. She always believed in me, and I always knew it. There was never a moment when I wondered if Nancy thought I could succeed. She recently wrote me a letter that touched me deeply and boosted my spirits. I thought it would be appropriate for me to share that letter at this time. Enjoy.
...I was talking with Kathleen (a fellow student of Nancy's) about you, and she said "Do you remember the hard time Carson had with flute when he first came to you?" We both smiled a little as we thought of your coming to my studio in the beginning and I realized that your previous teacher had been an oboist. Your embouchure was SO TIGHT! I wondered if you had the passion for music and the persistence it would take to work through remaking your embouchure. I was so worried you would just throw in the towel and quit! I did not know you well enough at that point to know that quitting is just NOT in your nature. I remember the frustration you felt when you could not get your lips to do what you wanted them to do. I know the hours, days, weeks and months that you spent painstakingly working each warm-up, long tone, and harmonic that I had given you. We would work every second of your lesson to refine your sound , improve your hand position and steady your air. You amazed me with your tenacity! I am sure you have spent hundreds of hours in front of a mirror, analyzing your mouth. I worried so much about yourself esteem at that time as well. But you knew that though the work was hard, frustrating, and often drove you crazy, it was going to be worth it in the end. I have never been as proud of a student as I have been of you. You went from an oboe playing flutist to one of the most outstanding flutists ever to go through my studio. Well Carson, you are on that stage again. I am not referring to your flute playing now, although I have complete faith that you will regain your skills in that area. I am talking about having to regain your muscle strength and having to teach your body to do things differently. Unlike most people in your current situation, you HAVE done this type of thing before, and succeeded brilliantly! You know how to work on one little skill, to spend hours, and days and months on a skill, but you know that at some point, you will get it! Yes, you are going to become frustrated, and angry, and maybe for a short time resent the fact that you are having to relearn something, but always in the back of your mind will be the knowledge that the success will definitely by worth the effort. That your heart will rejoice with each little accomplishment. You know that feeling. You have felt it many times. So now go to work. Take it one note, one measure, one bite, one finger movement at a time. You can to this, Carson, Just as you have before. This is nothing new to you. It is what you have been doing as a musician for most of your life, perfecting one skill at a time! I love you Carson. I am so proud of you. I know you can handle the challenge you are facing. I have complete faith in you. I am here anytime you need me!
Love, Nancy
Hot Crossed Buns
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